250 Things A Professional Speaker Should Know

I detest listicles. Can't stand them.

At the end of March 2020, the architecture community mourned the loss of an urban critic named Michael Sorkin. I'd never heard of Mr. Sorkin until the tributes to his work rolled-in.

Dozens of these remembrances referenced one specific piece of writing. In 2018, Sorkin published a simple list: 250 Things An Architect Should Know.

Sorkin's list resonates with architects around the world. But the list spoke to me too, in a way that most listicles don't.

The list is prolific and thought-provoking and got me wondering. What should I, as a professional speaker, know. What's on that list? 

So, here goes. A list of 250 Things a Professional Speaker Should Know.

1. The heart-warming feeling of an audience's reception.
2. The suffering and self-doubt that comes with failing on stage.
3. The realization that it's not the last time you'll bomb.
4. The confidence to try again.
5. How Barack Obama tells a story.
6. The number of professional speakers in the United States.
7. The number of those who make a fulltime living as a professional speaker.
8. The seven-step rehearsal process.
9. How to glance at a confidence monitor.
10. The seemingly endless number of ways to connect your laptop to a projector, screen, or switcher.
11. What dongles to carry at all times. 
12. How to write as you speak.
13. How to video record every session you deliver.
14. The fortitude to re-watch every session you deliver - at least once. 
15. The courage to fix what didn't work after you watched it.
16. The twinge of anxiety that wells up the moment an emcee starts reading your introduction.
17. The names of the A/V staff.
18. The meeting planner's name.
19. The CEO's name.
20. The name of the person who referred you.
21. The names of the person introducing you and the person coming up after you.
22. The art of remembering people's names.
23. The way George Carlin masters language (and the seven-words you can't say on television.)
24. The difference between performing and presenting.
25. The history of PowerPoint.
26. The difference between omnidirectional and directional lavalier microphones and where to perfectly place them.
27. The Countryman Microphone.
28. How to use a bandaid to keep a Countryman Microphone snug.
29. The Tanganyika laughter epidemic.
30. Your quotable fee, your average fee, and the negotiation gap.
31. The F+E+E Formula.
32. The difference between 45 and 47 minutes to a meeting planner.
33. Your audience's real problem.
34. A question Google can't answer.
35. How to sell a story with a prop.
36. Imag.
37. Blocking.
38. The PerfectCue Micro.
39. How to use every second of your tech check time.  
40. How to ask for a testimonial.
41. The art of taking a nap and the power of rest.
42. Basic stage direction terminology.
43. Your way around the Gaylord resorts.
44. The Gestural Theory and Paralanguage.
45. How to work clean and the science behind mise-en-place.
46. The power of silence.
47. What to do with your hands.
48. What you do with your hands.
49. What not to do with your hands.
50. How to perform in the round.
51. The Cha-Cha Slide.
52. Lier, Étendre, Relever, Glisser, Sauter, Élancer, Tourner.
53. The Alexander Technique (and when it was conceived.)
54. Corporeal mime.
55. What Viola Spolin says about talent.
56. What Bill Murray and Viola Spolin have in common.
57. Zip. Zap. Zop.
58. How to speak gibberish.
59. What it's like to be in an improv troop.
60. The average cost per trip for a year's worth of gigs.
61. Travel buyouts. Travel Included. Plus expenses.
62. The pain of filling out expense reports and submitting receipts.
63. Who you owe taxes if you speak in California for a company based in Massachusetts when you reside in New Jersey.
64. The bureaucratic hurdles involved in securing a visa to speak in Chile three weeks from today.
65. The satisfaction of filling the last page in your passport.
66. The visa requirements for speaking in Canada.
67. Nancy Duarte's analysis of MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech.
68. Section 29.21 of the Copyright Act.
69. How to cite an image in a presentation.
70. Something about the city you're speaking in.
71. Something about the company you're speaking for.
72. Something about the business they're in.
73. How they refer to customers, clients, members, or guests.
74. The home teams and this morning's sports headlines.
75. How to organize tomorrow, today.
76. The difference between the problem you solve and the REAL problem the audience faces.
77. Marina Abramović.
78. Tony Robbins and "I Am Not Your Guru."
79. Sally Hogshead and "Fascinate."
80. James Veitch's TED Talk.
81. Sir Ken Robinson's TED Talk.
82. Brené Brown's TED Talk.
83. What happens at 19 minutes into Tony Robbins' TED Talk.
84. The three speakers from the very first TED event in 1984.
85. TED Talks.
86. How to start a speech.
87. How to end a speech.
88. The fee difference between a how-to session and a how-to-think session.
89. Where the bathrooms are.
90. Where the stairs are.
91. Where the green room is.
92. Why it's called a green room.
93. Who Shep Gordon is and why he matters.
94. The difference between a breakout session, a workshop, and a keynote.
95. Ernie Kovacs.
96. Elementary video production techniques.
97. Three-point lighting.
98. How to find your light.
99. How to know when you've lost it.
100. The most common monitor resolutions and aspect ratios.
101. How to embed your fonts.
102. The pleasure of being recognized by a stranger at the airport.
103. The thrill of spotting someone reading your book on an airplane.
104. How to create a line after you speak.
105. How to get a photo of that line.
106. The dread that no one will show up for your book signing.
107. The relief when one person arrives.
108. The depression that washes over you when that person says they're at the wrong table.
109. The stress of realizing that you can't possibly sign these books fast enough.
110. The exact number of Sharpie's to bring to a book signing.
111. What to do with business cards.
112. Countdown clocks.
113. How to read a session review. Objectively.
114. What happened in the Kennedy/Nixon debate.
115. Hah Hah-Staccato, Trills, Sirens, Hums.
116. Steve Martin's balloon animals.
117. The Elder Millennial.
118. Tig Notaro's "I Have Cancer" set.
119. Ira Glass' perspective on storytelling.
120. The reasons you shouldn't write a book.
121. How to sell from the stage.
122. When you shouldn't sell from the stage.
123. How to earn your audience's attention.
124. The difference between worldly fame, domain fame, & fractal fame.
125. What to cut.
126. What not to cut.
127. When to cut it.
128. How to aerate an idea.
129. How to mediate jet lag.
130. The optimal seat choice on a Boeing 737-800.
131. TSA Pre-check.
132. Global Entry.
133. How long it takes to charge your noise-canceling headphones.
134. The most-often delayed airline.
135. Which airline bumps the most passengers.
136. The airline with the most canceled flights.
137. How long it takes to walk from F28 to B18 in ORD.
138. BNA, CVG, ECP, MCI, MCO, and MSY.
139. The Points Guy.
140. How much your carry-on weighs.
141. The average human's dehydration rate at 35,000 feet.
142. Vino Volo.
143. What to say at customs.
144. What not to say at customs.
145. Your walk-on music.
146. The difference between an intro script and a bio.
147. Where to clip the mic belt pack.
148. How to thank a sponsor.
149. The power of humility.
150. How Beyonce rehearses.
151. How much Beyonce rehearses.
152. The history behind the phrase "winging it."
153. What your cancellation clause says.
154. Force majeure.
155. How to draw a contextual model.
156. Your signature bit.
157. When to use we, us, you, I, and me. (And, when not to use them.)
158. The difference between a gig and a speech.
159. Why you can't be a performer AND a critic at the same time.
160. The power of compounding gigs.
161. Eddie Murphy's Ice Cream Truck.
162. Abbot & Costello's Who's on First.
163. Ellen's Phone Call with God.
164. Hannah Gadsby's Nanette. (And, Douglas.)
165. How to be responsive without being needy.
166. Pixar's story structure.
167. In Medias Res.
168. Joseph Campbell's Hero’s Journey.
169. Dan Wells’ Seven-Point Story Structure.
170. Randy Ingermanson’s Snowflake Method.
171. The Three-Act Structure.
172. The Six-Word Story Project.
173. The Happiness Project.
174. James Scott Bell’s a Disturbance and Two Doorways.
175. The solitude of eating alone at a hotel bar after a long flight.
176. The hope no one from the conference sits next to you at the bar.
177. How to iron in a hotel room without an ironing board.
178. The nine most common places hotels hide the hairdryer.
179. Where the stage ends.
180. How (and when) to ask for a late checkout.
181. What causes audio feedback in a PA system.
182. How an echo works.
183. What to do when your microphone dies.
184. What to do when the clicker doesn't click.
185. What to do when the power goes out.
186. The infinite possibilities of a blank index card.
187. Why a setlist is the best security blanket.
188. The relief of knowing you're most likely not going to need it.
189. What not to wear on stage.
190. The audience's hierarchy of needs.
191. The basics of color theory.
192. Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking.
193. The Tipping Point.
194. PAR lights. Spotlights. Strip lights. Scoop lights. House lights and work lights.
195. What to do with the podium.
196. The ten Attic orators.
197. Lou Gehrig's “Farewell to Baseball."
198. Nora Ephron's ‘Commencement Address To Wellesley Class Of 1996.’
199. Maya Angelou's ‘On the Pulse of Morning.'
200. The Laws of Supply & Demand.
201. Stageside leads.
202. Your most referred speech.
203. Your least referred speech.
204. Your Referral Tree.
205. Your busiest day of the week, week of the year, and month of the year.
206. How to start a cocktail hour conversation.
207. How to end one gracefully.
208. How exactly to answer the two most-asked questions in the speaking business.
209. When to raise your fee.
210. How to raise your fee.
211. Why you're raising your fee.
212. That pit in your stomach when you first quote your higher fee.
213. How to vomit without getting it on your outfit.
214. What Emil Richterich invented in the summer of 1940.
215. John Leguizamo's Latin History for Morons.
216. The psychological effects of dressing well.
217. How smart one feels in a freshly tailored suit.
218. The ideal rate of speech.
219. Why a British accent makes one sound smarter.
220. A southern accent makes one sound nicer.
221. The difference between listening and empathetic listening.
222. The Mandelbrot set.
223. Fractals.
224. Fractal marketing.
225. The five photographic angles for shooting a gig.
226. Where to put your camera.
227. Where to point your camera.
228. How to look into the camera.
229. How to ignore the camera.
230. How non-linear editing works.
231. Dinner with a fellow speaker.
232. How to play to the back row.
233. Who's in the front row.
234. Who's standing in the back.
235. Who left. When they left. Why they might have left?
236. The science behind the standing ovation.
237. The Socratic Method.
238. Gratitude.
239. Grace.
240. How to follow your fears.
241. When to move with intention.
242. The difference between a career path and a career quest.
243. How to cut it short.
244. How to stretch it out.
245. When to do either.
246. How to do a triple-time step.
247. How to choose the right word.
248. How to have fun.
249. When to have fun.
250. When to listen.
251. The privilege of making a living as a professional speaker.